Things Have to Change

I got sick again. I've been keeping track this year about how sick I've been and honestly, I've been sick almost every month this calendar year. To recap:

• January: Strep Throat
• February: tiny sinus infection
• March: The Mystery (if you know me, you know what this is about)
• April: General health issues came to a head
• May: A minor case of impetigo
• June and July: I focused on Summer Reading, but migraines appeared at every blasted heatwave. I didn't even have to check if there was a heatwave. If I had a migraine, I knew it was coming. 
• August: Summer Reading wrapped up and literally, by Friday afternoon (this past Friday) I was tired. I thought it was strep again. Nope. A sinus infection that only finally got properly treated today (5 days of blowing my nose, tiredness, and more was enough).

Now, I had antibiotics, of various kinds given to me 5 of those times. Actually, August counts as 2 as I started on one and they changed it to another. Either way, if you get this sinus infection going around, be prepared for a wild ride. It's been years since I've had a fever that high (that I know of anyway).

This past year I've started to try to care for myself when getting sick instead of trying to work through it. Well, actually, after the strep throat in January, that's what I decided to do because I had just previously tried to push through. It isn't actually a mystery as to why I keep getting sick. No. It is abundantly clear as to why I keep getting sick.

Stress. I've been reading on stress for a while now. I called this "sick." I allowed it. I announced it. The nurse that saw me recently was like "Don't curse yourself like that!" Well, what am I supposed to do? I knew this was going to happen. I have been in high gear for a multitude of reasons besides summer reading. The end of it was just a goal and a chance for me to breathe. I knew I needed a minor break about three weeks ago. I'm at the moment kind of thankful that my body waited until now to get sick.

This latest sick gave me an opportunity to think. I'm always thinking, but for two days, I had no idea what day or time it was. At one point, I knew an hour at a time had passed because My Guy kept checking my temperature. As I started coming out of the haze (and when I wasn't watching shows), I started to think about why I was sick again and how tired I am of getting sick. When I started getting even better (but not enough), I started to worry about all of the stuff that had been worrying me before I got sick.

What a vicious cycle.

While I was sick, I read the book Radical Simplicity. A few months ago I had watched the film and was intrigued. I have been interested in striving toward this simplicity. I'm tired of wanting things I can never have. I want to be more environmentally friendly, ecologically minded, eco-aware, what-have-you. I want to be part of the solution. Radical Simplicity showed why I want to be part of the solution, but on the other hand, in an apartment, with limited funds, it is a little hard to do this.

I've spent today reading environmental and craft blogs, being reminded about why I care and how I should care about myself. The craft blogs continue to inspire with mending and altering. Last night, before we went to sleep, we looked for better alternatives to bad habits we have. I finally asked for the apartment repairs that were needed. I requested more books that were featured in Radical Simplicity, one about education, another about food (I'm so aware of the problems with food). I'm also resolving to find ways to lower my stress and keep it lower. I have to. If not, I'm going to continue this cycle of being sick and I can't afford, in multiple ways, to do this any more.
Lessons Learned

• I intend, have to, and must better control my stress. I'm hoping to do this with exercising, meditating, and better food (more veggies).
• It's time to re-locate the values I had. I'm not sure where I put them.
• I'm learning to tentatively trust again in what is around me.